Step Two: Once your dough is risen and ready, take off that bling and place it on some organic bananas. This step is key. If you don't have organic bananas, just stop now. (Just kidding)
Step Three: Admire the dough ball.
Step Four: Divide the ball in two and roll out half into a big sheet.
Step Five: Spread out a package of room temperature cream cheese on the dough.
Step Six: Sprinkle shredded cheese (I used a half brick of colby jack, but any kind would be good).
Step Seven: Crap. You didn't boil this dough ball, which is bad because hubs just pointed out this is the step that breaks down the gluten on the outside so the pretzel is crusty on the outside and soft inside. Boil some water and thank your lucky stars you divided the dough in two.
Step Eight: Secretly rejoice, as this mistake means you MUST sample two pretzel rolls, one from the boiled batch and one from the non-boiled batch. YUM!
Step Nine: Add half a bottle of wing-style hot sauce and roll it all up like a cinnamon roll. Realize you're making a huge mess.
Step 10: Cut the roll into pieces and pop into a 400 degree oven for....a while. Twenty minutes, maybe?
Step 11: Delight! These look alright! And. They. Taste. Like. Heaven.
I experimented with the roll technique for the second batch - these I set on their sides like a cinnamon roll - true to my original vision. Because I used a little less hot sauce on batch two, they were a little sturdier.
Overall, batch two (the boiled, less hot sauce, cinnamon roll variety) won. They are prettier and tastier.
My mom christened these little gems. She called me and just said, "Strometzels." It took me a minute to realize my mother had not in fact taken up German, but was combining stromboli and pretzels to make strometzels. Smart lady; I love combo words!