People of Earth, do not be afraid

A while ago, here on this blog, I declared my intentions to run a 5k sometime. I haven't been very good at practicing and I'm just now starting to run regularly. You go build a deck and a patio and work and run everyday, Mr./Ms. Big Shot. Not possible. Maybe possible if you are really organized and ambitious and if that's the case, whoopedydoodah for you.

Here is what running with me is like (if I ever ran with anyone. It's ugly so I like to keep it a solo mission):

• Feeling good. Leading with my chest, bopping along to Lady Gaga, audibly saying hello to people I pass. Smiling.
• (About the half way point) Struggling. Trying not to sink my weight into my rump, getting a tad annoyed at Lady Gaga, smiling at people I pass. Light to moderate ladylike glow going on.
• (Three quarters of the way) Dragging buns. Huffing, puffing. Breathing loudly at people I pass in what should be a "hi" but comes off as nearing some kind of harassment.
• (Home, done) My favorite part. Glowing like a lady of the night in church. Exaggerating my condition loudly to Hubs, the cat, the turtle - anyone who will listen. Flopping on the floor like a dying fish, being a huge wienie.

It will be a miracle if I can lock down these quirks before I run a 5k. Unless....is this socially acceptable? Maybe this is just how people run and I just wouldn't know because I don't hang with runners.