Alexson versus Queso

If you read this blog with any regularity (hi, Mom!), you know two things: 1)I love cheese and 2)dips leave me weak in the knees. Naturally, then, the pinnacle of my cheese + dip love is white queso. But, I have never made it at home.

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Oh, lordy. Indulge me, please, in a quick haiku ode to queso:

Seems very easy
Perfectly smooth and melty
It is elusive

We have tried to make queso three times in my house.

Attempt one started with shredded Colby Jack, a can of Rotel and no double burner. It ended with a trip to El Mariachi and us admitting failure.

Attempt two started with Monterrey Jack, fresh cut ingredients and (again) no double burner. It might have ended in tears. And a trip to El Mariachi.

Attempt three started with me making my own cheese on a Friday night, meticulously reading and researching queso recipes that didn't involve Velveeta and (finally) a double boiler. It ended with what appeared to be a bowl of cat vomit. Homemade cheese does not melt well. And women who make homemade cheese might resort to putting taco seasoning in sour cream and calling it a dip in a sad attempt to satiate their hunger for a dip for dinner. Anything is possible.

We don't usually fail this many times at cooking. I mean, queso is melted cheese and veggies, right? I can make bagels from scratch, I whip up lovely chicken salad and have been known to build some of the most fantastic nachos west of the Mississippi. Yet, melting cheese and making a dip worth eating eludes me. Pathetic.

Therefore, I am declaring war on queso. Shredded MJ cheese, half and half, a double boiler, and I will best you yet, you demon cheese.

Can you make queso? Any tips? Also, want to come to a potluck?