Wheel-ly? Like, for wheel?

^ Yes. That is the worst pun title of all time. But, it pales in comparison to what I am about to share.

Last night, something really important was on TV. State of the Union? Puh-leeze. How about the single most horrifying episode of Wheel of Fortune of all time ever?



I think Hubs' and my hearts could be heard breaking for this poor woman at least two blocks away. We were hysterical (-ly laughing at) for her. And good job to the guy on her left! Congrats and aloha!

My advice to this poor gal: take this opportunity to run away to an island, change your name and become a bartender. That's my plan should I ever encounter this situation. Hubs' even said he'd come with, so we're all set there.

Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance! I have an escape plan for doing a bad job on Wheel and I hope you all do, too. This is important stuff, friends!

In which I eat cookies in the name of proper blogging

Yesterday, I came to you with cookies-in-progress. Today, we have cookies-eaten. Here are the stats:

Hours since dough-making: 24
Frozen dough yield: 5 dozen +  four (-two, consumed frozen)
First bake yield: six cookies
Second bake yield: four cookies

Cookie ranking system:
1: Would not eat again, even if someone else baked for me. Cookie failure.
2: Would eat again, if baked for me. Would not have seconds.
3: Would ask half-hearted-ly for recipe if cooked for me. Would not actually bake.
4: Would bake for myself. Would probably screw the recipe up due to consumption of two glasses of red wine.
5: Would bake for myself. Would pay attention during baking process.
6: Would bake for myself. Would share leftovers with co-workers. (aka Threshold for Sharing << a pivotal point in this ranking system)
7: Would bake for a party. Would eagerly anticipate praise.
8: Would bake regularly, hoping the recipe became a signature dish.
9: Potential to over-bake this cookie. Over-baking in this case = baking these cookies like all the time, not baking until burnt.
10: Boo-yah. Cookie nirvana.

First bake cookies (the dough right after being refrigerator for 24 hours): 3 - cookies were dry, puffy and wicked lame.

Second bake cookies (after dough had been frozen for two hours): 7 - cookies were more melty, less puffy, mo' bettah.

Frozen dough: 10 - frozen cookies are available for on-the-spot consumption AND freshly-made 7s are available within 15 minutes.

Five hot cookies and two frozen cookies later, you're welcome.

Boatload of cookies

Right now, chilling in my fridge, I have approximately five pounds of cookie dough. Per One Lovely Life, this lump of rawness will soon become the tastiest chocolate chip cookies this side of the Mississippi. Yep, I'm jumping on the bandwagon (thank you, Pinterest!) and making the New York Times chocolate chip cookies.

Here's my beef so far with this recipe: the dough has to sit for 24-72 hours! How is a cookie-loving gal such as myself supposed to wait it out like that?

Obviously, I'm only going to be able to hold out for the minimum 24 hours, but I'll report back as soon as I've done the proper research (aka, eaten a boatlod of cookies).

I'm also going to try rolling half of the dough into balls and freezing it, because as much as I'd love to OD on chocolate chip cookies, I think it's in my best interest to pace myself. Luckily, Pinterest supplied me with a how-to on that as well.

Dumplings Gone Wild

Last Saturday, it was just barely snowing and we decided to make us of our giant steamer for only the third time since we bought it more than two years ago. Dumpling Mania 2012 was on!

But first, a sale on kale (did that make you as happy as it just made me?) led us to the least appetizing-looking appetizer of all time: kale chips. We just laid the pieces out, sprinkled with olive oil and Mural of Flavor from Penzey's spices and toasted them at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.

They tasted about 10 million times better than they looked.

For the dumplings, Hubs and I used a simple recipe based on a few different dumpling recipes we found online.

1 pound of ground pork
1 1/2 tablespoons light soy sauce
1 teaspoon sesame oil
1 table spoon apple cider vinegar (because we realized too late we were out of rice wine vinegar)
2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 inches of ginger, smushed
NO hoisin sauce, though I was a big proponent of this
8 scallions, chopped

We mixed all that together and filled up dumpling wrappers. Into the steamer they went for about 15-20 minutes.

While they steamed, we got rolling on two sauces: a peanut butter chili sauce and soy-based sauce.

The peanut butter sauce was just 1 cup warmed peanut butter (use a double boiler!) and chili oil (3 table spoons). It made WAY more than we needed.

Our soy sauce was also simple, soy and scallions, with a little apple cider vinegar and sesame oil.

We also steamed a sweet potato, so we could feel just a smidge healthier about all this pork and salt.

It was delightful!

In general, Hubs and I aren't great Asian cooks, but we can do dumplings. It doesn't hurt that it's one of the all-time easiest dishes to make ever.

Pardon our less-than-chic dinner ware, the good old divided plate just made for the most utilitarian choice for our two dips. What can I say, we are not fancy folks.

Have you tried making dumplings at home? What the heck else should we be using this steamer for?

What we're up to

Ignoring the 60 degree weather.

Enjoying my favorite chair.

Lookin' mad thug in a hoodie from the Target dollah aisle.

You?

Birthday bupkis

Loyal readers may recall my annual tradition of whipping up something disastrous for Hubs' birthday. Obviously, I don't mean to eff things up so much, but I think the pressure of birthday baking just makes me crack.

This year, I went for a key lime cake. Hubs recently discovered a love of key lime pie, but you know, a birthday pie sounds less than thrilling. I Googled until I found a recipe that sounded about right and set about gathering my mise en place.

(Totally. Like using the phrase mise en place makes me sound like I know what the hell I'm doing, which, in case you lost track - I do not.)

Fancy French words that I learned from Bravo shows notwithstanding, I effed the shizzle (pardon my French) outta that poor cake.

I also did not use key limes because the store didn't have any. So there. The whole truth.

A rare sight, me (in profile no less!) looking seven kinds of domestic! Have I told you how much I love our new camera? It makes me look as good in pictures as I do striking a pose in front of the bathroom mirror.

The glaze was a simple lime juice plus powdered sugar. It had a heck of a tangy punch.

And the finished product. It sure looks purdy, and I was proud enough to force a parade of well-wishers to have a piece and toast to mon mari (more! French!). This proved a mistake. 

The cake was dense and barely cooked, even though the damn toothpick came out cleanly. Our friends were polite and finished their slices, bless their hearts.

At least some palettes are better suited to super tart undercooked cake:

For those of you playing along at home, that's birthday baking: 3, Alexson: 1. Here's to 2013!

Knitja unmasked

A while back, I had the delusion that I could whip up two ruched, West Elm knock-off blankets in time for Christmas. I ordered 26 skeins of worsted mushroom colored yarn and got to knitting.

100 hours and at least one million stitches later, I finally had one blanket that a full-sized human could properly snuggle beneath. I can reveal it to you now because no one got these for Christmas. I only finished one and it became a birthday present for my mom  whose birthday is conveniently two weeks after Christmas (Happy birthday! I hope mail-arrival time is prior to blog-reading time, Mom. If not, well then - surprise!), which is perfect for harried, hand-crafting daughters. 

 Poor Hubs' mom won't be getting hers until March, assuming I can stay on top of my game. But, I think it's totally worth the wait. I mean, look how pretty!

So, my first blanket is in the books. It took a LOT longer than I had anticipated, but it was a good and simple pattern so I only collapsed in frustration once. 

I used this pattern and was really happy with the simplicity of it. It was definitely an easy project to do while carrying on conversations, watching TV or flying. Some projects are so complex with the counting and the intricate stitches that I need near silence to make progress, but this was just garter, garter, garter, knit, pearl, knit and voila!

What's the biggest DIY present you've ever given? Was it on time? Teach me your secrets!