Holly Jolly March

Tomorrow is the last day of March and I have a shameful secret to spill.

We recently broke a Bigger, Better, Best family record. Our Christmas lights are still up.

(Source) Bottoms up, St. Nick!

This was a problem last year, too.

It seems we are destined to be total hoosiers (that's hoosiers in the Missouri sense of the word, not the Indiana one), lacking only a one-eyed dog and a bad perm.

Both Hubs and I fully acknowledge our redneck tendencies. Cans of High Life spill out of our recycling bin, a good majority of the "nice things" I bought before age 20 came from a Crackerbarrel gift shop and we own a blow-up pool for Pete's sake. Still, I was shocked when Hubs mentioned that he's not itching to go outside and take them down. In fact, he's suggested leaving them up for next year.

I see his point. They won us $25 this past Christmas, so why mess with a good thing?

Get carded

(True story: I have not been carded in like a year. I'm 27, so this should surprise no one. But, when I do get carded (on those rare occasions when the waitress is either drinking herself or her manager is eagle-eyeing her), I almost want to thank the server for mistaking me for a younger version of myself. (But I don't because that's something dorky old people do and I might be old, but I'm still hip and down with it, as I think the kids say.) I'm old and clearly, all those late nights and very full red party cups becoming very empty very fast are showing.)

Moving on!

So....this is how a visibly older woman such as myself displays her Christmas cards:

The sign is one I picked up at Gordmans years ago in an after-Christmas sale (for $6! I'm thrifty and old. I'm the next Sophia Petrillo.). I use clothes pins to stick cards to it and it builds as we get closer to Christmas.

What better way to remind myself that even though I am old and worn and leathery, I still have my friends.

Get off my lawn!

House sure does look good, Clark.

Remember how Hubs and I were totally stoked to deck the halls and take home the gold in our neighborhood Christmas light contest?

Well, judging was this weekend and we completely kicked everyone's ass. Which is totally the point of this joyous season, right?

I'm going to have to ask you to ignore the wretched quality of this picture. Santa's little helpers have not figured out how to make the true majesty of this winter wonderland shine through in photos just yet.

Truth be told, we were a little shocked that we were in the top three (even though only seven houses were in the contest and five were called out as awesome - Hubs was still rendered speechless). We lacked colorful elements and I'm pretty sure the whole thing would have crumbled without the wreath. Another clincher? I turned down all the lights inside (unlike this photo which I snapped on my way home from the gym one night) and had the Christmas tree on so as to create a warm and cozy glow. Victory, it seems, is in the details.

We won a $25 gift card to our local mall and (poor Hubs) I declared that this set a precedent and by golly we WILL win every year until we are old and shuffley and have to move to Shady Pines. I mean, you want a house you can be proud of, right Russ?

Socktastic

Notice anything different about our beloved faux-tle (again, a faux mantle - why isn't this catching on?)?

Before and After - what's new, aside from much better lighting?

Hell yeah I made that fifth stocking! Is it awesome? Yes. Is it the perfect size for a bathtub-pooping cat? Of course. Was it insanely easy because I totally cheated and made two flat sides and then sewed them together? You bet your sweet little rump it was, sunshine.

I used this Lion Brand Yarn pattern (for the sock only and with thicker yarn that it asked for. I'm a little nervous of duplicate stitching right now and also was too cheapcoldlazy to go out and buy the yarn I would have needed to put the fancy cat outline on there. So when I say "followed" I mean "was inspired by.") and it only took a few hours. I made up the little Christmas trees myself (sans pattern, thankyouverymuch. To commemorate this madcap dash into rebelry, I might do something really crazy next. Like steep my tea an extra minute or even two. LOOK OUT DES MOINES.).

Now, I've got a few top secret knitting projects to finish up and maybe I'll even make some more little pet stockings so they all match (because. You Know. I'm kind of going batty over the lack of a cohesive family stocking brand on the faux-tle (fake mantle!). That extra minute of tea steep-age clearly wound me too tightly.

What's your big, triumphant Christmas craft? I know you have one.

An obsession, a rant and a coined term

Last year, I hadn't yet taken my knitting classes at Ephemera (which, by the way, might have been the single best present ever - thanks Hubs!), but I was obsessed with big, bulky yarns. They looked so pretty all twisted up and just waiting to become something that I couldn't resist - I had to create. (Did I just sound artsy? That's what I was going for. Cue the beret, dim lights and smoldering eyes of a brooding artiste.)

Naturally, having no known knitting ability and an intense desire to BUY YARN (I'm so. so. so hip.), I went on a yarn-wrapping tirade. If it didn't move, it got wrapped in yarn. It sounds insane, and it was for a few days - a mad flurry of hot glue wisps and strands of Thick and Quick flying around me while I tried hopelessly to keep the cat away from my masterpieces.

So anyway, it turned out quite nice (pour a little out for my homey, the basement drywall, featured in that post) and I even got a nod from the most famous green living blogger ever to come out of the great state commonwealth of Pennsylvania, Danny Seo.

This year, the yarn-wrapped decor is making a comeback on our stylish faux-tle (that's a faux mantle, y'all. Couldn't you tell?).

 Pardon our mail pile and hid.e.ous light fixture. A sleek new drum pendant is my present to myself once we finish the basement, so just chillax.

It only holds 15 pounds, but the yarn trees are styrofoam underneath that skillfull wrapping and we've got a few Christmas-morning hanging spots for when these little stockings are chock full of goodies.

Notice also the nativity, lantern of lights and 12-bottle wine rack stuffed to the brim with sweet, sweet Charles Shaw.

Note: I know there are only four stockings and yet five souls residing in our humble home. I'm trying to knit the new cat a sock, but know this: Knitting your First Sock less than a month before Christmas and with the knowledge that it will be Highly Visible as a major part of your Holiday Decor is NOT recommended.

Unless you, too, are the owner of a big ol' wine rack stocked full of three buck chuck. Then, it might be bearable. I take zero responsibility for your actions and/or fits of yarn rage when you get to the heel. Heels are not easy, people. Heels make grown women weep openly.

The End.

Competitive Christmas

Now, gentle reader, you know I'm all for quiet holidays - knitting by the fire, soaking in family funtimes, buying local and handmade gifts, roasting geese, wearing slippers, and making every Christmas cookie from Hubs', my and our German neighbor's family traditions (from scratch, of course) - but this year, a new less-cuddly tradition is afoot in our home.

It involves beating the pants off all our neighbors.

We're entering the neighborhood Christmas light contest! Sqa-wheeeeel!

Our muse.

image

The top prize last year was a decently-sized gift certificate to Ace Hardware, so our little minds have been hard at work these past few days, conjuring up lighting designs that will dazzle passers-by young and old.

Judging isn't until December 10, so we're planning on spending the better part of this weekend filling the yard with animatronic deer and festooning the crap our of every limb of every tree we own.

The contest is judged on creativity, colorfulness and classiness and let me tell you, it is a fine line between classy and creative when it comes to exterior illumination. We, are of course, erring on the side of creative (that is to say, a leee-tle trailerish) and hoping our enthusiasm and pizazz (I said it) will win over the hearts of our lovely and esteemed judges (of which, I am one*).

So, want to come over on December 10, don some Dickens-style garb and wassail away with me? That, my friends, would win fo' sho'. I mean, how classy, right? Dickens! Dickens equals class! I'm sure of it.

*Just one of the many perks of designing the 'hood's newsletter every quarter. I don't think I'll be allowed to vote for my own house, just to keep things "fair" and "unbiased." Harumph. 

Annual dilemma

We sent our first official adult Christmas cards last year and I can tell now that it's going to be something I both look forward to and dread every year. I love scrolling through all the designs online (like these from Shutterfly, who's running a cool blogger promotion right now - just sign up and do a little post like this and get 50 free holiday cards - wahoo for frugalistas such as myself!), but choosing one? And choosing which photos of us to plaster on there? That's torture.

I mean. There are SO MANY good looking pictures of us to choose from. How can I ever narrow it down, right?

Last year was easy - we used wedding pictures, of course. But this year, I'm stuck. Luckily, I found a few options (here, here and here!) that can accommodate quite a few shots. I'm thinking I'll do a little photo montage of our year - from surviving a ridiculous winter (I think we got something like 40 feet of snow?) to building a deck together to celebrating our first anniversary.

What do you look for in the perfect Christmas card photo? Is it cats in sweaters? Because I can totally make that happen, too.

Readers, I need your help

Now, more than ever, I beseech your assistance, you awesome gaggle of readers.

You see, with the basement in a current state of extreme disarray and the basement being the location of our only fireplace, we have no where logical to hang our little Christmas socks.

Kinda, except ours would read, "Dear Santa, We have a chimney, but please do not use it as it is located in a construction zone. However, if you'd like to burn off some cookies and are handy with vapor barriers, please feel free to do some work. XO"

So far, I've got a few ideas:

• Buy a floating shelf and screw in hooks on the bottom, put it somewhere in the living or dining room
• Pro: Central location, I've been wanting a floating shelf for a while anyway
• Con: Could be too heavy (Santa likes to bring cans of beer in this house)
• Hang them from some sconces that have hooks already 
• Pro: Central location
• Con: Ga-he-tto, not enough for all five stockings (two people, two cats, one turtle)
• Nails on the living room wall
• Pro: Central location, good excuse to get some new wall art post-holidays
• Con: Extreme pressure to find wall art post-holiday or spackle and paint
• Get the weighted hook stands and put them on the piano
• Pro: Central location
• Con: Dangling family heirlooms within paws' reach of two bastard cats will likely result in tears, lots of yarn, no stockings for 2011

I'm curious which of these you like and if you have any great ideas! How have you gotten creative with stocking placement?